Astrological Signs: Southern Style
Moon Pie
March 21 - April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front
porch. It's a
cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.
"Big" and
"Round" are the key words here. You should marry
anybody who you can
get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going
to be easy. This
might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Possum
April 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, Possums
have a marked
tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't-bother-me-about-it"
attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually
think
you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically
healthy,
but it seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't
work, and you
may find your problems actually running you over.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crawfish
May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're
always
hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach
to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the
living
room. You tend to not be particularly attractive physically,
but you
have very, very good heads.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Collards
June 22 - July 23
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to
get into the
"melting pot" of life and share their essence
with the essences of
those around them. Collards make good social workers,
psychologists,
and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes,
if you are
Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work.
Save yourself
a lot of heartache.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catfish
July 24 - August 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with
one
exception: Whiskers cause problems for loved ones. You
Catfish are
never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms
to the
clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay
away from
Moon Pies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grits
August 24 - September 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You
like to
huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love
to travel,
though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.
Where do you
like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or
butter or
eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things,
that
serves you well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boiled Peanuts
September 24 - October 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately,
those who know you best, your friends and loved ones - may
find that
your personality is much too salty, and their criticism
will probably
affect you deeply because you are really much softer than
you appear.
You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because
in a
certain way, yours is a charmed life. One the road of life,
you can be
sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Butter Bean
October 24 - November 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along
well with
everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've
grown on the
vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting.
You can
sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't
have anything to do
with Moon Pies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Armadillo
November 23 - December 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you
are actually
quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire,
some roots,
fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're
not concerned
with today's fashions and trends. You're not
concerned with anything
today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests
and behavior
patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okra
December 22 - January 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick
on the inside.
Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look
back over his
life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay
away from
Moon Pies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chitlin
January 21 - February 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times
they're
uncomfortable talking about where they came from. A Chitlin,
however,
can make something of himself if he's motivated and
has plenty of
seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chilins, be very
careful.
Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this
can make for
a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish
and Okra.
Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boll Weevil
February 20 - March 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied
with the
surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into
the
interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense
and
driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right
mind is
going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
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