bdsm bondage stories

BDSM JOKES

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they
haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin
to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation
covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and
finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so
but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we
got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally,
I never would have guessed that you would go for that."

"Oh, sure, " says Sally, "He snores while
I masturbate."

********************************************

One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet
she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting
for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed
it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about
this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think
you should spank him."

********************************************

Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?
A: Sensuous they use the feather,
Kinky they use the whole chicken.

********************************************

The Millers were shown into the dentist's office,
where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No expensive extras, Doctor, " he ordered.
"No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just
pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you, "
said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is
it?"

Mr. Miller turned to his wife: "Show him your tooth,
Honey."

********************************************

Warning - A really bad riddle:

Q: Why did the submissive cross the road?
A: Because her Master told her to.

Q: What do you call a gay hairy 300 pound German rubber fetishist?
A: A Gummi Bear.

Q: How do you stop a submissive/slave from blinking?
A: Unplug them.

True Masochist to a True Sadist: Hurt me.
True Sadist to a True Masochist: No.

*******************************************

You know you are kinky when ...

... You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your
town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted
to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

... Your entire Music collection consists of music you
can Scene to.

... You give a new song a rating of 65....it's got a good
beat and you can squirm to it.

... You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the
local candle factory.

... You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month.

... Canning season gets you *really* excited.

... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned,
and you think to yourself, "Gee, some people are BLATANT
about being out. YKIOKIJNMK"

... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned,
and you stop to see if the poor Dom/me needs a PERSON to cane.

... Citibank calls you because someone used your credit
card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state,
and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't
own a horse.

... You make your vacation destination decisions based
on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual
Deviance laws.

... Your Avon Representative politely informs you that
the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent
you have been pestering them about.

... Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit
to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

... They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at *four*
local leather shops.

... You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.

... Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool
because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot
tying.