How to talk to your woman about swinging...
This has been classified under "swinging"
for a while but I moved it to advice because that's really
what it is ...
For all those guys out there who want to be part of the lifestyle,
but dont know how theyll get the wife/girlfriend to agree,
this is for you
My first swinging experience was a total disaster. It seemed
like everyone else involved (my ex-boyfriend and the other
couple) was all about doing it, and I was the only one with
reservations. I let myself get pressured into it anyway,
and it went about as badly as it could. The other man couldnt
get hard, so I ended up watching my ex fuck this girl for hours.
I didnt even get mad until he decided he didnt need the
condom anymore (which wed all agreed should be there)
and took it off that was the end of my first time AND the beginning
of the end of my relationship.
I didnt think Id ever try it again. Yet here I am on this
site every day, looking for new people to bring to our bedroom
for threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, gangbangs, girl-on-girl-on-guy,
soft swaps, full swaps, you name it. What changed my mind
about this lifestyle? Credit should be given to my current
boyfriend, who is wonderful in bed and I love to watch him
drill another woman. Ive seen some guys on here wondering
how to talk to their girlfriends or wives about swinging
well, heres what he said to me and why it worked.
Every relationship is different, so these are just guidelines
for yours. The most important thing is trust. If you have
a relationship where one of you (be honest) throws temper
tantrums, threatens to leave the other person, deliberately
acts in ways to make the other person jealous, then this
lifestyle probably isnt for you at this point in time.
You also probably shouldnt pressure your woman to do something
she doesnt want to do or isnt ready for (unless deep down
she likes that kind of behavior, of course). Nothing spoils
the mood like a fit of jealousy and a lovers spat; its embarrassing
and uncomfortable. And you probably wont get another
chance to play with a person or couple who sees you or your
partner act like that. This isnt an overnight process,
so be patient with your woman, and eventually youll get
to watch her doing things you thought shed never do.
That being said, here are the steps to turning your wife
or girlfriend into the slut of your dreams:
1. Establish trust in the bedroom. This seems obvious,
but its very important and hard to do. My boyfriend started
by talking to me while we were in the bedroom. He would get
me very aroused playing with my pussy and clit, fingering
me, licking me until I was nice and relaxed. Then he would
tell me that he wanted to be the best lover I ever had, that
he wanted me to tell him about any fantasy I had, and we could
pretend in bed together that it was coming true. In time,
I told him about fantasies I have that I would NEVER tell
anyone else. We shared secrets together of naughty things
wed done that no one else knew about. Sometimes he would
prompt me, asking me if I ever thought about having another
girl in bed and what I would do to her, or how many guys was
the most Id ever fantasized about being with. In this way
he got to know, intimately, everything Id ever done, everything
Id ever thought about doing with another person and also
everything I would never do.
2. Once he had a grasp on my desires and also my boundaries,
we started narrowing down which fantasies were JUST fantasies
and which ones might one day become reality. We started
by bringing toys into the bedroom. Hed use a dildo on my
pussy while he was fucking me in the ass and tell me to pretend
I was riding on another mans cock. Hed tie me up in different
ways. Wed have sex in places we could get caught: in the
car, a store dressing room, outside, on a friends couch.
He kept the lines of communication open at all times; if
I was ever uncomfortable, hed stop what he was doing right
away. We picked out sexy outfits and he took some pictures
of me in a plaid schoolgirl skirt playing with my shaved
pussy. By bringing these other implements into the bedroom,
especially the camera, he was letting me know that there
are ways to live out fantasies without jeopardizing our
relationship. We found this site and started a profile;
I was nervous about being with other people, but it made
me really hot to think that men, women and couples could
see what we did with each other in bed. So we started with
just picture and e-mail swapping. Every step of the way,
he made sure I was comfortable with what we were doing, and
if I wasnt, we talked about how to change that. I might show
my face on album pics, but not profile pics.
3. Then, we started talking about group sex and swinging.
When you do something like break the normal rules of a
relationship, particularly for someone who is nervous
or unsure, its important to set up new boundaries. For
example: would she be OK with another couple having sex
in the same room that you are having sex in? Would she be OK
with licking, touching and playing other than sex? A full
swap in the same room? Different rooms? Would she like another
single man or woman in the bedroom? Will you practice safe
sex or not? She might not be ready to go all the way immediately;
dont pressure her! It might just take one session of watching
each other fuck like rabbits before she decides shes ready
to make the swap. Once we set up the boundaries, we started
looking for people.
4. Selecting the person or couple you want to play with is
crucial if your woman is hesitant. You dont want anyone
whos going to be pushy; that will scare her more than anything.
Find someone laid-back who knows what theyre doing in
bed, even if theyve never had a group experience before.
My first experience might have been better if the other
man had been better at fingering or eating pussy; it doesnt
matter if he can get hard or not as long as he can pleasure
her. And getting licked and nibbled by another man, in front
of your significant other, is a HUGE turn-on. We like to
meet with people first in a no-sex environment. That
way theres no pressure to decide right away if you want
to jump into bed with them, and everyone can go home and talk
to their partners about whether or not youd be willing
to do something with that person or couple.
5. If everyone is in agreement about what you want, you need
to make sure the boundaries are set (again). Will they wear
condoms? Will they participate in a full swap or soft swap?
Do the women want to lick on each other while the men watch?
Or the other way around, or neither? Will there be alcohol
or other drugs present? If you can make it through all these
steps and set up a time and place to meet, you just might be
having crazy swinger sex by the end of it all.
Remember to keep the lines of communication open at all
times. My boyfriend and I dont keep secrets, lie or cheat.
And the jealousy bug still might stir a little bit once you
get things going. Talk about it, and talk about why those
feelings might be there. Sometimes a woman just needs a
big hug, an I love you and a statement of reassurance that
she is everything you want and more you just like to share
and be shared.
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